the little things

from the moment i began my temp job, i was certain it was going to be just that: a way station to something bigger and better.

i thought my leap of faith wouldn't be much more than a quick step off a rock mid-stream to the other side of the creek.

oath, 2016

after an initial phone interview with some nice folks in morgantown just weeks after i'd started, i felt good. "get ready to move fast," i told kris, confident that hiring process was merely perfunctory and that a quick decision would be rendered.

an in-person interview and two months later, i had to find out on my own that i "wasn't a good fit." thus began the aerobatics that would characterize the long, long leap fraught with dead-ends, fizzled leads and dispiriting disappointments.

i brought a clipboard from home with a notepad ready to grab in the event of a call from a potential employer, so i could duck into an unused room and jot notes. i got to do that a number of times, each one bringing with it relieved optimism and promise.

ultimately, though, it was a request by an interim officer last month to see him that led to where i am now. i didn't even have my clipboard with me when he broached his idea for a job.

on monday, i found myself grateful as i walked to our front door after work. for the first time in a long time, i didn't have to anticipate this question from my wife upon entering in regard to my employment search: "any news?"

i had a real job and there was no question about it.

a year to the day ...

... well, almost.

i, state your name.

nearly a year to the day after i took an oath for my temporary job, i took a new oath for a government job that i hope keeps me here for a long time.

my first thanks goes to my friend lauren, who sent the facebook message that pointing me in the direction of the job that was originally listed as a six-month gig.

plenty of time, i thought, for me to find work. after a visit to morgantown two months later, i thought this was exactly the cushion i needed before we'd move the family for a new job at west virginia u.

unfortunately, that didn't materialize. neither did another government job i interviewed for a month after that. (both of those i thought were slam dunk jobs, though i felt much better about my wvu experience than i did about the train wreck of a federal phone interview.)

the new year began with a steady stream of job applications for jobs that were simply appealing punctuated by sprays of desperate inquiries for anything i was even tangentially related to my experience.

(the leisurely pace of picking and choosing was pretty much part of a cycle that got ginned up after outright application rejections or looming release dates from the temp job. the cycle would begin again after extensions were granted or actual interviews were conducted and i was awaiting decisions, usually for weeks on end.)

at least twice, jobs disappeared after face-to-face visits — not from positions being filled but from being eliminated entirely from an employer's plans.

here, i will say virginia tech was terrific for job seekers. their online system would tell you in a reasonable amount of time if your application was rejected.

i was fortunate enough to merit two interviews for two different jobs; both times, i was informed in timely fashion that i wouldn't advance. (disappointing, yes, but it sure as hell beat that dispiriting cocktail of waiting, wondering and fading hope.)

one employer i finally had to call to get my own bad news after non-committal responses to emails following the interview. another i have yet to hear from, more than three months removed from a morning-long visit out of town.

workers playtime

all of which led to this day. apparently, my conscientiousness, my approach to work and my relationships with staff and leadership served to convince a succession of officers to keep me on the job through three extensions past the original february release date, and, ultimately, into a two-year contract.

i thank jack, regis, kelli, jacqui and steve for their efforts to keep me at the office, and, more importantly, for valuing my work enough to go through those pains to retain me. (some of it required some mighty creativity indeed.)

thanks also to the original crew that showed me the ropes of a new line of work: public affairs, a kissing cousin in journalism. thank you for teaching, mentoring and advising during and after their deployments: lesley, lloyd, sarah, andrea, jim, cici and zuni.

additional appreciation goes out to the folks who kept helping me even after i was shifted to a new section: chad, lucy and dave, who kept me in the writing loop even though i was no longer a writer, and, tom, who helped me learn a new set of job skills. (a new tool in my swiss army knife.)

most of all, i thank my family and friends who gave encouragement and support in words, prayers and leads — lots and lots of job leads.

to my beautiful and brilliant kristina, thank you for wisely budgeting our finances, keeping the household running and nurturing our lovely, wildflower children. thanks, as well, for keeping your ear to the ground for job openings and opening my mind to the possibility of applying for them.

your dad was right. after i asked his blessing on our engagement, he said we made a good team. ten years later, his assessment still rings true. thank you, thank you, thank God for you.

and thanks to almighty God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit for sustaining us through this search and the exertions in plumbing the depths of our faith. thanks for our gifts and the people you put in our path.

hallelujah. amen and amen.

that escalated quickly

while it's not "facebook official," i think i can say i've got a job — hopefully one i'll have for a long time.

workplace confusion

after getting word on friday the fourth that plans were afoot to keep me at my temp job in a more long-term capacity (my boss said, "i don't intend to fail"), then growing despondent a few days later that i wouldn't qualify, i learned at the end of the week that i'd be offered a job title more in line with my journalism skills.

then, after a contract pay grade mix-up and slight drop in the originally offered salary (disappointing, but i'm just being greedy), i got the final offer yesterday, which i accepted.

paperwork has already ensued. i hope more training lies ahead. this really could be transition from newspapers i wasn't sure i was hoping for.

the Lord is a wise, kind and funny person. i'll give my best work as an offering in thanksgiving and pray that it's a good start to give him his due.

amen and amen and amen.

expectations

had one of those occasions when you die a little for your kid.

the boy and his sister had been looking forward to his school's big welcome back pool party all week.

we didn't take him his first couple of years at school first because he couldn't swim, then because he wasn't a strong swimmer. this year he's better.

we'd been there about an hour, his mama and i watching from a deck, and it appeared the kids were having a great time.

then, the boy starts walking away from the pool with his hands cupped under his face. i'd thought he bloodied his mouth, but he'd gagged on some pool water and barfed up a mouthful of his big pizza dinner.

after a trip to the restroom, we sat him down for a few minutes. his mom didn't want him back in the pool as some sort of courtesy; i thought he was fine. he was upset that he couldn't go back in and i prevailed upon kris that it was no big deal and that he should be allowed to go ahead.

the party was almost over but kris noted that his friends were asking about the puke episode. it seemed to me that he was grabbing at them to keep them from swimming away. i left my perch to tell him to stop wrapping his arms around their necks. that seemed to be the end of the story.

mother and son

our departure seemed non-eventful. i picked up a pack of cookies for the ride home. i held the girl's hand and the boy walked with his mama.

once in the car, though, i caught the tail end of his being admonished by his mother for responding to a query with "duh," which led to a terse rebuke and threat of corporal punishment from me.

the drive-home lecture ensued.

after a shower, he was in bed. i told him i was upset that i took up for his return to the pool even though he wasn't actually feeling well. he said he was fine until he started turning somersaults underwater.

the real source of his disappointment, though, had nothing to do with his gagging episode and his friends' reaction so much as none of his friends wanting to play with him. my heart sank.

i had to explain to him that sometimes you go somewhere expecting something great to happen and it doesn't work out the the way you were hoping at all. it happened to daddy a lot, i said.

learn to adjust, i told him, and make a good time with the people you're with. i tried to explain that deflated expectations are a part of life. i'm not sure that did him any good.

in retrospect, i appreciate that he opened up to tell me his true feelings and that he felt comfortable sharing them. i've got better appreciation of his sensitive soul. despite its ease of bruising, i'm glad that his nature is inward-seeking and aware. i hope that it develops into a true empathy for others. i hope he continues to be open with me.

this boy. he is me. i hope i can convey to him that it's ok.

release date

my computer on monday.

today was supposed to be the last day at my temp job. but by the grace of God, it wasn't. i got an extension and, with any luck, a new job.

i'm working to take in all that grace. (it's harder than you think, what with the balancing of glee and focus on the tasks at hand, but joyous.)

thank you, again, Lord. amen and amen. and thanks for all those who prayed for and supported us. amen and amen.

that's no. 2

gappier toothed smile

the boy had come back from karate — more on that later — and was getting ready for bed. i thought i heard him shout "i pooped!" from the bathroom and got confused.

"on the floor?" i thought.

then when his mama came in to check, he said he had wiggled his tooth "a little" and out it came. last week at his 6-month check-up, his dentist predicted it would be out by monday. she was just a few days off.

incisor

as it's only tooth no. 2, he still gets a terrific thrill out of their getting loose and, of course, once they come out.

i think it's a combination of his being one of the last in his class to start losing teeth and, obviously, the remuneration by the tooth fairy.

i need to start burning into my memory his wonder and excitement at the simple things in his life. at this age, he still thinks he's very good at a lot of things and doesn't yet feel beaten when his performance doesn't meet his expectations — at least for the things in which he's not fully invested.

he's probably not many years away from being an unimpressionable teen who is bored by everything because he's so cool, but i hope not. i'd wish he could keep seeing his world with fresh eyes and take delight in it all.

day one

back together again.

for the first time in two years, the monkeys are going to the same school. (it didn't seem so long ago that they were at the same preschool.) they've got four more years of this coming. now the skids are really greased.

the divine praises

i don't say this prayer nearly as often as i should, but today, after a long-awaited phone call, i did:

Blessed be God.
Blessed be His Holy Name.
Blessed be Jesus Christ, true God and true Man.
Blessed be the Name of Jesus.
Blessed be His Most Sacred Heart.
Blessed be His Most Precious Blood.
Blessed be Jesus in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar.
Blessed be the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete.
Blessed be the great Mother of God, Mary most Holy.
Blessed be her Holy and Immaculate Conception.
Blessed be her Glorious Assumption.
Blessed be the name of Mary, Virgin and Mother.
Blessed be St. Joseph, her most chaste spouse.
Blessed be God in His Angels and in His Saints. Amen.

amen and amen and amen.

thank you for the opportunity, my Lord. and thank you for your prayers, all you angels and saints. and thanks to all my loved ones near and far for your prayers and support.

tired ...

Insane photos from a @DailyProgress staffer, who was there right as a car struck dozens of protesters: https://t.co/jMGuXcPyVA pic.twitter.com/n1Hg95v9wM

— Jake Jarvis (@NewsroomJake) August 12, 2017

... and sick of it.

fear.

If it looks like a Nazi, chants like a Nazi, and salutes like a Nazi, then it probably is a fucking Nazi. pic.twitter.com/vbW5OjnjuP

— Hanna Flint (@HannaFlint) August 12, 2017

these are people afraid of anything different from their sad, uninformed, myopic worldview.

these days, they are so sure that a broader community agrees with them that they believe they will suffer no repercussions for their very public stance — not from their families, not from their employers, and not from their fellow congregants at their houses of worship — and they are unconcerned about showing their faces.

what is the source of their rage?

is it from the ignominy of having to share the political and cultural stage with those they deem beneath them? is it the desire to not learn of the sufferings and contributions of those not like themselves? is it a lack of caring?

Myth: Racism diminishes as time passes.

Reality: Racism fluidly adjusts to prevailing political and economic norms. #Charlottesville pic.twitter.com/qwgn1cUCFr

— Khaled Beydoun (@KhaledBeydoun) August 13, 2017

every assimilating culture learns about the majority culture; as that majority slips, it should probably pay to learn more about the new folks who are coming in. maybe they'd like it, celebrate it, even, or at least learn to respect it.

it's been a long day of catching glimpses of this surreal drama unfolding: anxiously waiting for something bigger and awful to explode in massive bloodshed and chaos and wondering when all sides would express their concern that something was very wrong.

Republican lawmakers encourage Trump to specifically call out white nationalists | Fox News https://t.co/aagPfbsr7g

— Scott Finn (@radiofinn) August 13, 2017

is this what our world will devolve into? 

my only solace came from a homily from our deacon at mass today: in the face of howling storms and uncertainty, focus on the Lord and work steadily.

i frequently hold my tongue in the interest of getting along with those i encounter and with whom i interact. at some point, though, you're going to have to make clear which side you're on, bluntly and without sugarcoating.

today was that day.

Slavery, the Holocaust, the Movement for Civil Rights...this moment is but another in a chain of opportunities to choose what you stand for.

— LeVar Burton (@levarburton) August 12, 2017

some days ...

... what the Lord says just speaks to me. like today:

Amen, I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed,
you will say to this mountain,
'Move from here to there,' and it will move.
Nothing will be impossible for you.

matthew 17:20

got a bit of news yesterday that i hope signals that if we just hold on a little longer, we'll actually stick the landing from our leap of faith.

thank you, Lord.

more kids tv

the boy got his first run-in with not being such a high priority for his cousins today.

after being being promised a trip to the dock at mom and dad's place at the lake so he could fish before we went home, his cousins sat in front of the television watching a video and frittered away his hour.

he was in tears when he learned that he wouldn't be able to go. they're not my kids, so i can't force them to do him a favor. it was a disappointing lesson to learn that even your family that loves you can also let you down.

kids tv

the children are moving at quite a clip now toward teendom.

the girl, at age 5, is still firmly entrenched in "disney junior," but the boy? yeah, the 7-year-old is exploring "disney xd," the mouse channel's next step up for tweeners.

fading into the distance are the "blues clues," "thomas and friends," "bob the builder" and "little einsteins."

the girl is enjoying her magic creature shows, like "my little pony," "alena of avelor" and, of course, "dora the explorer." she still shies away from real bad guys and evil plots but she's leaving behind the pacing of preschool fare like "daniel tiger."

the boy is sitting through "pirates of the caribbean" and "captain america" enthralled by the action and the easily grasped plotlines. no longer so squeamish is he to the build-up to conflict, confrontation and conspiracy.

i suppose it reflects his observation of his world and the tiny interactions he sees and concocts in his play. he's slowly developing nuance and appreciating complexity. i think it scares him a little.

he still loves his play but i don't think he wants to totally let go of his childish things. he seems to be holding on to his stuffed animals a little harder now. when presented with a cache of toys that had been set aside during a mass cleanup, he was delighted to see a bunch he'd given up for lost — and he had to pick a small bag of the ones he wanted to keep.

there's nothing we can do to stop it. better to remember that mourning like i am robs me of the present, where they are still little kids and still our babies.

tis the season

member since august 2017

i joined my first west virginia university message board today.

my long-held belief was that these sports fan message websites were the bastion of the truly fanatical and hopelessly trolly. myself being the non-confrontational, thin-skinned type, i stayed in the shallows of the well-policed comment sections of my two favorite wvu blogs, the "smoking musket" and the late, lamented "wvu sports with mike casazza."

last month, however, mr. casazza left the amazing sports blog he created with the equally late, lamented charleston daily mail to join the cbs sports-affiliated "eer sports."

he left in his wake not only some of the best gateway content and side features in online sports, but one of the best communities of sports fans by way of general knowledge, devotion, humor and, last but not least, civility and decency.

so here we are, barely a month before the mountaineers' opening kickoff, and i've been jonesing badly for the nuggets of original news from training camp and snappy repartee of the casazza blog but had no idea how to scratch that itch.

then i saw this:

I can hear practice from my house. Lots of cheering and hollering today, the first day in shoulder pads. It matters. https://t.co/0Kkhh4n5el

— Mike Casazza (@mikecasazza) August 1, 2017

and i followed the link.

lo, and behold, a blurb and another link. it wasn't exactly like old times, but it seemed like a format adapted from casazza's former home. maybe it could work.

i registered, added an avatar, and i'm now able to participate in comments, which could be a scary prospect. on the other hand, i'm also able to follow casazza's output, along with a couple of other writers. there appear to be a few other aspects to the site waiting to be explored, but there's plenty of time — and available content — for wandering.

i'm just glad that i may have found my wvu sports fix to get me not only through these next few weeks, but hopefully many more years to come.