losing

i can't even write. i'm deep in a funk after my best advocate was reassigned to a new location and, of course, my "favored" mountaineers have their win streak broken in a road game. (nothing like making the home team the underdog to fire them up.)

i'm tired of getting jerked around and tired of worrying. i'm tired of lies and the stupid people and the willfully ignorant who choose to believe them. 

best football team revisited

yes, yes, the cbs sports pre-season piece was a click-baity, s--t-stirrer, but despite myself, it still got under my skin — enough so that i couldn't stop this thought from entering my mind after this weekend:

it is not enough that I succeed ...

Football Cracks Top 10 Again | https://t.co/mniGCyHiye pic.twitter.com/XXpDV7dT7f

— WVU Football (@WVUfootball) October 23, 2016

but my friends must fail.

What happened to Marshall? https://t.co/ypNW2ron6g

— Ralph D. Russo (@ralphDrussoAP) October 23, 2016

personal care

for the record, the boy randomly started taking morning showers on his own last week. no prodding, no help. it was weird. 

boy

at playground: mama sees boy crawling atop tube slide, calls him down and orders him over. 

boy climbs down, charges toward mama, running over picnic table on the way. 

daddy rolls his eyes and sighs. 

face your fear

the worst you could hear is "no."

well, after a brief, exhilarating fling, i got the candy-coated version: "not a good fit."

as with all whirlwind romances, we invested too much and, despite ourselves, dreamed too far down the road and wound up getting hurt.

bummer is my social media is full of friends/colleagues who work there, talking about things i hoped i'd be a part of and aspire to. even some passwords that had to be changed reflected those hopes.

it's like a real-life, romantic break-up what with all the reminders that serve to make me wistful and sad.

luckily (?) this is only about work and there's a lot more riding on it than just my pride and romance. there's no time to mope.

i've got love, a loving family and a great partner. we're ready to move on.

forward!

denial?

looks the writing's on the wall.

as much as i'd like to believe time will tell, it may have come to find out for myself if it's true. 

oh, Lord, i feel so tired.

you've got me where you want me. be it done to me according to your word. 

get behind me

sports. politics. job prospects. all seeming to align to draw me into despair. i rebuke the liar and his game. i choose hope. 

hope

after mass, with cousins.

my faith has felt dry and my prayer life rote this past week. this walk through the valley has pretty much wrung me and kris out. we've switched to stasis mode.

our children, though, just by being themselves, in all the maddening, marvelous innocence of their childhood, have provided splashes of gratitude and wonder that serve to remind me of the love with which i am blessed and surrounded. 

right now, this is my lifeline. thank you, Lord. 

night

rain's been falling steadily. been up since after 2 and the sound from the window hasn't let up. like living near a stream. 

there's a stirring from the children's room. 

the girl grasps the doorknob and i hear all of her weight in the balls of her feet like velvet mallets as she tiptoes across the hall. 

the bathroom light comes on. a minute. the seat lid closes. no flush. (no washing of hands.) light goes off. 

daddy wonders at his growing children. 

thank you, Lord. watch over and protect them. 

good eye

sunset at milan puskar.

the girl, 4, likes to play with daddy's camera. so when i took it out to take this shot of milan puskar as the sun went down on west virginia's "stripe the stadium" promotion, she asked if she could have it.

being that i was preoccupied with a game that had become a game between my mountaineers and the kansas state wildcats, i let her have at it.

fourth down, baby!

she's got a pretty good eye.

this was shot on k-state's last possession, where wvu had denied them the third-down conversion deep in our territory.

they were going to have to kick a field goal to beat us in a one-point game.

the girl just pointed the camera at the guy who was emoting. (daddy cropped it here to tighten things up. otherwise, he just reminded her to hold the camera low so as to avoid getting her fingers in the frame.)

nice shooting, tex.

then the wildcat field goal went wide left. pandemonium ensued.

they missed!

here.

they missed!

here.

hot damn, they missed!

here.

whoa, nellie!

and here. (daddy had the photographer in his arms for the whole sequence.)

game over!

she got it all.

it was nice making it to the end of a ballgame with one of my children present. this one got indoctrinated into the singing of "country roads" after a wvu win.

and considering it took five years of conference play to finally beat these guys, i'd call it a pretty big win. granted, while it wasn't actually pretty, i'll still say it's picture perfect.

courtesy of a nice post-game lingerer.

missed

off my game. normally, i close out a month with some kind of post, but i whiffed yesterday. 

it's probably because I'm preoccupied with my apparently promising job lead. i had a random deadline in my head that passed without word yesterday.

enter doubt and fear. faith and patience need to remain steady. help my lack of trust, Lord.