zero hour: we have lift -off

time to get dressed and pretty. the cat is fed for a day and a half. the deejay has her discs. let's light this candle.

Lord, we know You have plans for us
Give us the patience to let them unfold
The courage to carry them out
The humility to ask for help
And the grace to accept your will
Give us the wisdom and understanding to look for your hand at work
Amen.

t-minus 1: blur

every person i talk to about their weddings say how they don't remember much about the actual day they got married and about how things all blended together.

i found it odd, since, as a participant in many of them, they were quite memorable and there was always some aspect or detail that stood out for me.

i'm discovering that being in the middle of all of it makes all the difference in the world.

i had to burn discs today for the deejay, get money for tips, pick up a stand for the unity candles and attend the rehearsal and subsequent dinner. all the while nursing a queasy stomach from the previous night's overindulgences.

the errands seemed to pass at regular speed, but i think it was the rush of people and events for the evening that seemed to put my vision into warp drive.

the dozens of people surrounding and moving us around were like a crazed merry-go-round of faces that came in and out of focus before the next one came into view.

and i suspect it's only going pick up speed as more people arrive to play witness to our nuptials.

no wonder the participants can remember things -- all their attention is directed toward the center, in this case, us. ours can only be on the next person who pops into view.

i hope at some point in the proceedings, kris and i will have time to take a breath and take in the vista of family, friends and assorted loved ones sharing in a celebration.

t-minus 2: checklist

it's been a long day.

spoke with fr. john, then met with brother, in-law, close friends for dinner, and to watch my west virginia mountaineers lose in overtime to xaver.

t-minus 3: meat / my friends

sitting with a belly full of samburger, the amazing cheeseburger from sam's uptown cafe, that features sausage ground in with the beef.

kris picked me up at the office and we walked over to meet my high school friends, pam and tim. (tim wound up bagging on us. we suspect it was for rehearsal for the charleston light opera guild's production of "a chorus line.")

so we wound up chit-chatting over beers about the wedding and work as kris and i ate bar food for dinner -- hot chicken fingers for her and the samburger for me.

kris and i for the first time in about a week or two felt like we were on top of things, with ducks, if not knocked down, then at least in a row.

talked with the monsignor, who set us straight about the candle situation, which he had never seen it in a filipino mass at his church. it dawned on me that the city has a large population of folk from one of the smaller philippine isles, versus the big one, where my family is from, and that our customs might vary. he bought that idea and said he'd arrange for a free-standing candle holder. (we're going to have to find a way to get two.)

then, talked with the priest, who said no food or drink in the sacristy or welcome area except water. but he would help us find that altar server we need.

also e-mailed to the deejay reception program with a few alterations and music requests, so i hope that's ok. and kris got the party favors and kiddie bags over to the hotel ballroom.

it felt like a day where we got some work done. reason enough, i guess, to toss back a couple of beers and hang out with a friend. (who, like a crazy woman, covered our tab. i thanked her for the cheeseburger wedding present.)

got home, and my college roommate brian and his wife sent me and kris a huge selection of omaha steaks and steak knives. if i'm not mistaken, he was a huge omaha steak proponent in college, so i think living the california dream hasn't dimmed his estimation of them. i'm looking forward to that first grilled hunk of meat this spring.

tomorrow is e-mail the program pdf's to the copy shop and hopefully have them by the afternoon. then, meet the priest for pre-game and hopefully, pick up a couple of cases of wine.

i'm sure the rest of the world, if anyone out there is reading this, surely finds in it everything to hate about bourgeois americans and their overindulgence and decadence.

i'd just say, i could only hope that i -- and my bride -- will live a life worthy of the countless blessings we enjoy as our special day approaches and every day -- and that we may come to return them a hundredfold in thanksgiving.

t-minus 4: tying loose ends

running on fumes and just writing to be on the record.

spoke with our wedding coordinator today to make sure i had the correct sequence of events down for the filipino wedding customs before sending the program to the printer.

when she explained to me that here was the part where my nephew hands to me the ceremonial coins, i nearly corrected her -- "you mean, the groom" -- when i realized the ceremony was for me and kris, the two people getting married, the focus of attention.

i'd worked with the weddings of so many friends, that these days of preparation seem to be for someone else. i can tell the reality of what's about to happen to me hasn't really yet seeped in.

after trying on her altered wedding dress, kris brought me some mini-cheeseburgers for dinner -- my first since lent.

then we finished tying and tagging the party favors she'd made for our guests. it sure seems to have the makings of a fun party.

we got our friend monica today to read the new testament passage in place of jay and a childhood friend, gin, to explain the filipino traditions. i stayed up until 1 this morning to copy and amend our prayers of petition, as well as write the message from the bride and groom for the program. (most heartfelt, if i may say so myself.)

it would probably be a good idea tomorrow to tally up all the tips i have to cover. still have to talk to the monsignor about a few facility things, our organist on our final selection and the deejay for the reception agenda. if we can get an altar server by the end of the week, we'll be in tall clover.

even the written and verbal rsvp's are getting straightened out. the loose ends are slowly getting tied up.

which surely portends that, come saturday, all the calm and collectedness of having our ducks in a row will be swept away in a flash flood of tears and blubbering. it's going to hit like the proverbial wall of water. God be with us all.

t-minus 5: dam

i should make it a point to thank my supervisor, becky, for her indulgence of me doing wedding stuff on company time.

spent about three hours (including two after work) today perfecting the copy and layout of the tags for our party favors, then another hour and a half cutting, hole-punching and folding them. hopefully, it will be darned cute. (i think i've accepted my role as the girl in this nuptial couple. or at least half a girl or something.)

i should be typing out the prayers of the faithful to close out the liturgical portion of the ceremony, but the immediate clock i have to beat is the one for this week's countdown blog. (the days of singlehood are ticking away, dude; i have to chronicle them.)

plus, i have to get the church program flyer to the printers by tomorrow or wednesday just to get it out of the way.

but to do that, i have to have a new reader to fill in for my old friend ely, whose schedule he could not finesse his way out of at the last moment, so his slot is still blank on the program and waiting to be filled.

and -- there's the whole guide to the non-catholics attending the mass, just to avoid any awkwardness come communion time.

but here i am.

i felt a pull of mooniness this afternoon after swinging by my sister's house to pick up some photo reprints my other sister had made for me. they were both there eating a quickie sub sandwich dinner.

things were ok until i had to beg off to leave. they both had the look i know i had when i was seeing my baby sister get married -- the one that said, "she's not going to belong just to us anymore."

this was the closing of the door behind me that i always disliked when a new chapter of my life was starting. and despite what i said saturday, i can already feel myself looking back wistfully.

it seemed we all knew the clock was ticking and that, in my rush to hurry and help kris with her preparations, the time that even a few weeks ago i would have spent leisurely and languidly on nothing more than enjoying their company, would soon no longer be free to give.

it was a mere moment, but enough to measure the time before the next lapping wave would spill emotion over the dam. you can build up a lake of heartfelt history after 36 years as siblings.

as an only child, i'm not so sure kris fully appreciates the kind of bond that develops between brothers and sisters. they were always the other, apart from, yet a part of you, in the shared experience of growing up in the same house.

they were your playmates and adversaries, competition and confidantes, responsibility and pride.

and suddenly, in a matter of days, the goofy, bachelor older brother they've known all their lives will become something else for someone else.

working apart from my family, i never had a doubt of the direction in which i was headed. after having seen my baby sisters, while still certain of my bearing, i did feel a pang of sadness for a remnant of childhood i had held for so long, of the happy-go-lucky older brother who was always theirs when they needed him.

t-minus 6 days: the pause that refreshes

these are the corks that are probably used by the winemakers at consilience winery out in los olivos, calif.

thanks to my dear old college pal, lurleen, out in southern cal, kristina and i got to enjoy what will likely be the last calm moment before the wedding.

she and her family were unable to make it to the wedding -- spring break, and all -- but she sent over a fedex package with a wedding present.

i had to sign for it, which i hadn't had to do for a package in probably years. but once the box was in the house, i learned why.

pasted right next to the address label was a sticker indicating the box contained alcohol and could only be accepted by an adult over the age of 21, who had to show i.d. and sign for it. (apparently, my balding head was enough to convince the fedex man i was of age.)

i figured, "wine. southern cal. must be lurleen. that's awfully sweet of her." and i left it there next to the door, figuring i knew what it was, and left it boxed.

well, today, after fixing the last batch of party favors, kris thought it would be a good time to take a rest and, since we were meeting with the rehearsal dinner lady for dinner, have a good easter lunch.

kris prepared a couple of ribeyes with her secret spice rub, herbed mashed potatoes and a wilted mixed green salad with a raspberry balsamic vinegar.

kris asked if i wanted any wine and i said i was out. she said, "well, we have lurleen's."

it wasn't just any port in the storm, and we could have done without, but the occasion being easter and the respite being from our nuptial preparations, i figured "why not?"

kris opened the box and said, "aw, how sweet."

i ambled over, looked, and said "that effing bee." (filtered, in case her children are reading this.)

well, it wasn't just wine. it was also six lovely crystal wine glasses. leave it to my overachieving classmate to overachieve with her wedding gift. it was just like her to be so thoughtful.

the cat wanted to jump into the box, which we had to put away, but we uncrated the wine first: a syrah, a zinfandel and a vignonier.

i uncorked the syrah. kris took out the good wine glasses and we took a swig. even with head colds, the both us knew this stuff tasted great. this is what wine that isn't on sale for $5 tastes like -- a pop in the mouth by the most cultivated prizefighter in world -- wearing velvet gloves.

coupled with the steaks, taters and the amazing salad, it made for the perfect moment of celebrating where we had come from, where we were now and where we were going. it added more joy to living in the moment of our becoming.

i told kris a week or two ago, as the works were coming into full swing to get this show on the road, that it would rush by, we would work past exhaustion and that we would have to be above the setbacks and frustrations to realize that, short of raising a child, this would be the hardest work we would ever love.

i knew, as a friend reminded me, that we would only know this time once in our lives and that we should take those few moments when we could to savor it.

we would be working on energy and spirit that was not our own, but would be lifted on the wave of love and prayers from people we know all over the world. it's a big surge, i told her, and we'll surfing right in the crest of it. ("surfing with the Lord," i always call it.)

today's high tide came courtesy of a little girl from oak hill sending love across the nation. it's surfin' u.s.a.

this time next week . . .

i will be a man with a wife.

i will be able to check the box next to "married" when indicating my marital status.

i will have a new piece of jewelry to wear.

and that's ok.

(i will also likely be some weird, wired combination of relieved, exhausted, elated, sweaty, swimming in sentiment and probably starving. with any luck, the party will still be going on and kris and i will have found our collective second wind.)

i just ziplocked almost 60 party favors for our wedding guests and i'm a little tired. i helped kris tie little bows on them since she is stubbornly refusing any outside help -- even from relatives -- to get this show on the road.

our easter sunday will be spent doing that about two more times. probably three hours' work. (and we're going to work on that not asking for help thing.)

this is a countdown. and the first post i've done in more than a month. but it will be one of the last seven i'll do as a single man, so what more appropriate time to get something down for the record?

it wasn't too long ago that i would spend my hours and days before leading up to a big change by looking back on what i was leaving behind and wishing i didn't have to. ("swimming with one hand on the dock," i once called it.)

everything that has come before is such an accruement of treasure -- be it in experience, faith or love -- that i can draw from the interest alone to enrich the future i will share with my beloved.

it seems that everything that has come before has simply been a lead-up to this moment. this time, probably for the first time, i'm looking forward.