end of the month

i closed the door on a pissed-off child after i put him to bed and couldn't promise him he'd be group leader for his pre-school class tomorrow nor that he could have the red tricycle all to himself once he got there. 

up to that point, aside from his all-around unfocused spastic-ness, he'd actually managed to "read" his last story book to himself and hop into bed on his own. 

(he's been known to just get up after his first book and trundle off when he's super tired.)

but i will have to say he's managed to improve on two things this month that we'd despaired of even hoping for over the summer: potty training and his temper. 

while we still have to remind him to go after a long time, even with accidents, he's managed to not totally relieve himself in his drawers. he usually has more for the potty than he had in his underpants; and he's often more or less remorseful for his lapses. 

now, temper, on the other hand, he's only now just scratching the surface. after all, he's lost two football games and trick-or-treat from hitting and kicking tantrums that maddeningly undo an entire day's good behavior in mere minutes, if not seconds. 

but i saw last week where immediately after an outburst where he swung at his mommy, he pulled back his hand as if wanting to pause and rewind his action. 

and even tonight, he stopped himself in mid-outburst from lashing out at us, choosing instead to strike the couch before simmering down.

no great shakes, i know, but a hopeful sign that he's cognizant his actions have repercussions. 

this, i can say from my own experience, is going to be a challenge he will have to face for a long time, as my own threshold for frustration can be fairly low even now.

the term we've introduced the past week or two is "choose." he can choose to throw a fit and be nasty and mean -- or he can choose to do as he is told and be even-tempered and civil. 

dunno if he'll be able to get it under control faster than his daddy ever did -- or hopes -- but for his sake, i hope he does.

at some point, maybe over the weekend, i decided the boy's brain right now is like a ferrari -- quick and nimble and powerful -- but at the moment, he can only stretch out one foot to reach the pedals. (and of course, it's going to be on the accelerator.) he's going to need to grow a little more to be able to see, steer and apply the brakes.

meantime, i guess, we're going to have to help teach him how to keep his car on the road without running over anybody.

fall

pumpkin patch, putnam county.

couldn't have asked for a prettier day to spend with the family. if the good Lord is willing, i suspect the gritt's fun farm will be an autumnal rite for years to come.

the fam.

go here for skads more pics. and you can watch just part of what i hope was a tiring day of activity for the boy below:



(plus, the fatigue brought on by a tiring day provided perfect cover from having to keep tabs on my west virginia mountaineers as another winnable game not so much slipped away from as snowballed on us. this reminds me of those "dues paying years" from back in 1987 and 1992 when we couldn't get it together or catch a break enough to win what were close games. those were followed by breakout seasons the next year.)

lost

georgia state vs wvu

three weeks ago, the boy missed out on watching a west virginia home game with daddy because of bad behavior. (my mountaineers won that game in an upset.)

the boy began this week with a clean slate, but three days of atrocious behavior -- biting, hitting, screaming, backtalk -- led to the loss of not only the game, but a visit to a local pumpkin patch with friends and his school halloween party.

i was supposed to attend today's game again solo, but there was a chance of seeing former work friends and attending my first j-school alumni homecoming tailgate. plus, there was the chance to be that 12th man to cheer our boys to another upset.

last night didn't go very well for the boy as he woke up a few times wanting one thing or another and trying to get up before the sun.

i knew as i prepared to leave that the day was going to be hard for the wife, who hadn't slept well as a result of his shenanigans. so i stayed.

turned out the boy was mostly good as gold after a heart-to-heart with mama -- during which she told him he should try being nice versus screaming and violence and see where that choice lands him -- before screwing up late in the day with a 10-second fit over sharing toys and losing tv and ice cream. he recovered nicely afterward.


turns out, on a chilly, gray day, we lost in one of my least favorite ways, the unsustainable lead that slips away.

would have been a long drive home, i suspect, but what if my handclaps and cheers would have lent that tiny bit of spirit that the team needed to pull it out?

well, i was home. and while i didn't get to do any extra yard work, i did get a load of laundry done, so the day wasn't a total loss. cold comfort, right?

without getting a vibe from the crowd, i've got a feeling this was the backbreaker for our season. we have no quarterbacks and our o-line is too inexperienced.

we beat this team and we're pumped for the rest of the year, 9-3, injuries, youth and lack of depth be damned.

now? while 6-6 is doable, i'm betting our spirits are crushed. 5-7 or worse.

thought from south carolina

south carolina rest area

we were at a rest area off i-26 on our way home from charley south when the boy and i emerged from the men's room.

he was slightly disoriented as to which way to turn as there were double glass doors on either side of the building. 

an older lady came out of the women' room and saw the boy heading toward the truckers' parking lot as i called him to the right direction. 

"must think he's a truck driver," i smiled at the woman. 

she laughed as the boy turned my way. "oh, let him dream," she said. and i laughed. 

she continued as we exited, "let him think he can be anything he wants to be while he still can, before he finds out dreams don't always come true."

i agreed with her, but my heart broke a little, both for her and the boy.

also south carolina rest area

right now, the boy lives in a world where everything is possible. if it doesn't happen today, then maybe there'll be a chance tomorrow.

in his mind, all doors are open and he's free to enter every one. no one has yet told him "no."

i hope he never hears it. 

i hope and pray that while he and his sister come to recognize the limits of their reach, i also hope that they will never feel as though the realm of possibility has borders that will close them in. 

i want my children to always have dreams. and i want them to have hope and faith to carry them in their pursuit. 

dance party

dancing fool, 21 september ice cube party

watched "wall-e" with the children last night and had to capture this bit of our children's childhood.

there was a scene during which a movie musical appeared onscreen, which prompted the boy to hop up off the couch and dance around, mimicking the characters.

there was a guileless, un-self-conscious joy in his performance.

and it wasn't even a performance, per se, say, for the benefit of an audience.

it was an expression, a reflection of the thing that made him happy.

and dancing makes him -- and his sister -- happy.

i'm trying to remember this unguarded spontaneity before he becomes aware of peer judgement and criticism and appearing foolish.

ice cube party, 21 september

earlier this year, in an effort to occupy and entertain the kids, kris invented something the boy calls the "ice cube party."

kris freezes water in popsicle molds with the little sticks and keeps it handy as a cool treat for the children for whenever.

on special days, i.e., boring days, kris will break out the ice popsicles, turn off all the lights and play music on the radio. then she and the kids dance in the dark with their cool ice on a stick.

it's a great time -- and an easy way to occupy them for a half-hour or so.

the kids derive great joy from dancing. i hope this will be something they never grow out of.

vacation of firsts

yuengling draft at poe's tavern, sullivan's island, s.c.

just got back from what i could call our old stomping grounds except for we didn't stomp on them very long. and by that, i mean, charleston, s.c., where kris and i lived for about a year.

we took a long weekend to witness the wedding of our friends carrie and andrew. (carrie also lived there while we were there; left the post & courier about a week after we did.)

this was our first trip as a family on our own -- no grandparents, no aunts or uncles -- just us. it was pretty intense.

the trip down was a hoot; the baby was up before dawn, which actually served us well, because it got our day started.

everything that we thought would take a few minutes actually took a few hours -- putting a few last-minute items into our bags, going out for a quickie breakfast, picking up maps, gassing up car. we hoped we'd leave by 8; we didn't get on the road until about 11.

traveling without benefit of a dvd player wasn't as awful as i'd thought. (sad, isn't it? how did people ever travel without moving lights on a screen?)

the kids played with crayons and markers and paper. they had books and, thanks to wendy's for a late lunch, "shrek" action figures. and they screamed and kicked and pouted to fill in the gaps.

boy pitched a pretty good whining fit before nodding off on way home.

(that said, they also looked out the windows and took a couple of naps.)

but i also literally stopped the car on the side of the road -- a first, and dangerously stupid on my part -- to attend to the boy who was throwing a screaming and kicking fit.

it was mostly a long, angry stare and forceful words in tense, terse tones. went a long way in calming his ass down, i think.

(previous to this, the boy also took his first roadside leak. took an exit outside of princeton thinking there'd be a gas station and, finding none, mama had the boy drop trou and pee into the grass of the on-ramp. he didn't do too badly, but dribbled into his pants. there was a rest area about two miles down the road.)

and his potty control was fairly good overall. occasional leaks, including one of the second flavor, but i'd grade him out at a solid b to b-plus, considering all the excitement of travel and a party.

we arrived in charley south around 9 and even at night she was a beautiful city. all the ramp work on the arthur ravenel bridge crossing the cooper river that was still underway when we left almost 10 years ago was complete and made for easy travel.

(did i mention i used the google maps app on my iphone? it was like having turn-by-turn gps. nice to have when going to new -- or in this case, re-routed -- places.)

we took a room with two double beds. each parent got a kid. the girl fell out of bed the first two nights. the boy kept waking up, asking for milk.

baby at gray's island play area at the
south carolina aquarium.

neither child ate particularly well, but at least the boy got a few bites of protein in him; the girl i'm pretty sure subsisted on a milk diet. one morning she did eat half a hard boiled egg. (the sleep inn offered free breakfast, which was a great budget stretcher.)

day one we spent at the south carolina aquarium, where the boy and the girl mostly just ran around but also took the time to ogle fish and assorted wildlife. the boy was pretty pooped by early evening. we ordered andolini's pizza take-out and all of us were in bed before the sun went down. (kudos again to the sleep inn for daylight-blocking curtains.)

we spent the morning of day two at sullivan's island, where it was at the low end of hot and none of us had beachwear. the children played in a long tidal pool as much as their clothes and parents allowed and dug around in the sand. we actually got the nerve up to walk to poe's tavern for an early lunch, where the boy ate a few bites of his mini burger and lots of french fries.

we attended carrie and andrew's wedding that evening and mama had to take the girl out of the sanctuary because she kept talking during the vows. i should have taken the baby so mommy could have watched the ceremony.

the children ran amok during the reception. not sure if i did the right thing in trying to keep the boy from crashing into the other guests, but i took it upon myself to be policeman while allowing kris to socialize with old friends.

i think it worked out, mostly, save for my abrupt departure in a moment of pique when the boy refused to listen to his mom's orders to pipe down during the testimonials. "we're going," i said, without giving kris any more detail, and i headed out the door.

kris revealed later that after all that chasing with our friend george's boy, henry, and carrie's girl, julia, and the ensuing gyrations after the opening of the dance floor, the boy actually told his mama, "i want to go home; i'm tired." i love that he knows when it's time to leave.

mass times on iphone. Christ our king
was lined up out the door for 9:30 mass.

sunday, we packed quickly and headed to Christ our king parish down the road from the hotel. it was one of about six churches we attended when we lived there. (we found that the later we woke up, the farther we had to drive to find a late mass.) after mass, we hit the highway, promising to make this place our vacation town.

we learned a couple of things. first: free breakfast is a great convenience, but good coffee trumped all. twice, kris had to go to starbucks, reasoning that free coffee was no good if it was no good.

second: if an attractive children's toy is part of the kids meal at a fast food joint, buy the kids meal. the toy makes a good distractor in children's mini-dramas performed in a car seat.

(and a corollary to the second: always buy two kids meals. kris describing the girl's face falling when there was no toy for her to play with made me feel like the worst father in the world.)

all told, going there and back, what was usually about an 8-hour trip took about 10. but driving during the day, it paid to have numerous mental health breaks to allow the kids to stretch out, potty, explore and run around. their spirits were usually much improved even if for a little while afterward.

as for me and mama? the trip was no doubt stressful and exasperating, but also joyful and rewarding. actually looking forward to our next solo journey.