punkin

gap-toothed smile

so it happened today. his mama says it happened while he was trying to take a nap. wiggle wiggle wiggle and out it came.

she reported a great whoop. didn't seem that long ago that he learned it was loose, but it's been more than a month.

such joy at growing up. to him, it's a lost tooth, to his mama and me, he's just that much less a baby.

so i said

"Lord, i give up; i can't do this."

maybe he's been waiting a long time for me to say that.

Lord, take away my worry; Lord, take the wheel.

busy weekend

in just over 24 hours covering a saturday and sunday, we crammed in camping ...

























and a movie ...

 

("captain underpants: the first epic movie.")

while there was plentiful admonishment for playing with pointed sticks and fire, the food was good, we were near a stream with a sandy bank, and were across the street from a playground.

the boy's favorite part: captain underpants; the girl's? the s'mores.

dead tired. a good time. thank you, Lord.

waiting

here's the thing about her and me: she worries enough for the both of us; that's the role she assumes.

but while i hardly worry about anything, i will worry about her. i think that freaks her out a little. 

so we're both on the same page tonight as we wait to hear what the radiologist has to say about her second round of mammograms.

update, 9 june: the "abnormality" didn't appear in the second set nor in the ultrasound. she's in the clear. thank you, Lord.

weekend

it dawned on me the other day that we've entered a long-forgotten age that i thought we wouldn't visit for a few more years. 

as an adolescent, i suppose i'd have called it the "lecture years," where i'd be kept after supper to take in long, pointed admonishments on life — math, a vocation, tennis, you name it. 

i didn't really take very seriously what my parents were saying because they were from a different time and place. i saw nothing of value in their words and examples that i could take with me into the real world. 

(of course, 40 years down the line and i can tell you that everything they had to say was directly applicable to my real world; i was just too stupid to listen.)

well, i'd apparently forgotten that previous to the lecture years, were the "long drive home" years. 

these were those primary school years where i was constantly in trouble for "not thinking" about the ramifications of my actions and chronically misbehaving at public functions with family and friends. 

it wasn't until maybe we'd gone out for dinner the other night or were on our way to gaga and papaw's that stern instructions and expectations of behavior were made known in the car en route to the event. 

and it absolutely happened on the drive home: a point-by-point critique by mommy and daddy as to where the children's  behavior fell short, followed by a long drive in silence.

unpleasant memories came back of drives in the dark after apparently good times where our in-party craziness was replayed, rehashed and roundly criticized. 

i would come to grow out of such foolishness but at the time, i couldn't explain how my behavior could spiral so far out of control as to merit a talking-to. once we saw the other kids, it would be so easy to fall into wild exuberance. it was like being spellbound to its call. 

i'm sure it's the same with our babies. it's just going to have to be a phase we deal with and keep working to correct until it's no longer a problem. 

(of course, they'll also be closer to adolescence by the time that golden day arrives. such is the trade-off, is it not?)

our babies aren't babies anymore. 

penance

it's been about three weeks since my last confession. i'm only just now getting around to my penance. 

long story short, i needed to write a sentence or two as a kind of prayer to remind myself how much i will trust the Lord. 

i've been racking my brains over how to quantify such a thing ever since. 

i think i finally hit it early this morning, as i lay awake, pondering an uncertain future. here's what little i asked: take away my worry (mostly so i could sleep).

i added at mass to also "take the wheel," a lot harder "ask," as the fundraisers say, because i've got a viselike grip on the rudder. that is where i must let go and surrender. 

but it's a prayer, two sentences long: Lord, take away my worry; Lord take the wheel. Lord, help me. 

some days

if bad news comes in threes, then what follows two potentially scary but inconclusive bits of news?

my boss announced her resignation today, throwing my future at the temp job in doubt; then a couple of hours later, kris texts to say she needs more testing after she had her annual mammogram taken yesterday.

neither presents bad news in and of itself, but sometimes we can't help but imagine worst case scenarios, can we?

There is nothing like suspense and anxiety for barricading a human's mind against the Enemy.

— Screwtape (@ScrewtapeDaily) June 2, 2017

(seriously -- some days i wish the Lord didn't have so much faith in me.)

1 june

gizmo the service dog

so i had to say goodbye to this little guy and his mommy today.