girl talk

i think if you'd ask any of my female relatives or friends, they'd probably agree with my assessment that one of my purposes in this life is to exasperate women.

this appears to be a defensive posture, since i'm usually trying to keep them off balance, because, frankly, i rarely feel like i'm at an advantage in our dealings.

(haven't been able to shake this sense since, oh, second grade. they were then and remain mysteries to me.)

which is why monday's news at once delights and frightens me: kris and i are going to become the parents of a baby girl.

first and foremost, i am relieved and thankful that the ultrasounds show a healthy baby with everything where its supposed to be. that was and is my most fervent prayer.

and after writing that, i can see that my biggest anxiety -- besides the usual ones about taking good care of the child -- is of a teenage version of this person.

it was hard enough dealing with them in high school, now i'll have one in my house? am i ready to handle the drama? the pressure? the angst?

and the baby hasn't even been born yet.

of course, i'm sucking all the joy out of the news of a new life coming into our family.

and for what? phantom fears?

as with everything else in my life, my worries arise from the unknown, especially of things beyond our control.

i am going to have to trust and pray that we will raise children who will make wise choices. and after we've done our best at that, well, we'll leave it in God's hands.

if our lives weren't interesting enough with hurricane boy, i suspect they will become even more so with mystery girl.